Taking Stock 3

  

Making: Plans for the new year (last minute I know)

Cooking: Chicken biryani (didn’t turn out so great) 

Drinking: Leys just say I have started appreciating wine 

Reading: Oscar Wilde poems 

Wanting: To hike more but I don’t see it happening soon.

Playing: Candy crush (yes I have accepted I may have a problem lol)

Wasting: No more time. So much to do.

Sewing: How about-planning to learn to crotchet?

Wishing: This year turns out great or better than the previous one.

Enjoying: This self confidence I have achieved.

Waiting: Patiently for that certification.

Liking: This healthy bug that has gotten into me.

Wondering: How I will keep up with everything I am planning. 

Loving: My face. I have just realized it has less spots comparing with old photos. Yaay!

Hoping: To find a way to get over this loss that I experienced. 

Marveling: God’s capacity to forgive us.

Needing: My cup of coffee for the day.

Smelling: This delicious banana cake my mom just made.

Wearing: More skirts and dresses than I am used to.

Following: More food blogs.

Noticing: It’s already February! 

Knowing: At times you have no power but to let things take their course.

Thinking: A lot of things in my mind. 

Feeling: Kinda low every time I think of my dad. 

Bookmarking: More articles on self growth.

Opening: More accounting books than I have in a while.

Giggling: To this funny clip I was sent. Too funny lol. 

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Surviving

I have this issue with goodbyes. I can’t stand them at all and I try to avoid them as much as I can. The problem with death is that you cannot run away from it or avoid it.

When death strikes there is nothing you can do but accept it. The year 2015 I lost two men who were very dear to me. Late last year I lost the man who gave me life, the man who taught me to love life no matter how it turned out, the man who taught me to smile, the man that would give everything to see me happy.

‘The sad thing about growing up is seeing the people you know die’, I dont remember where I heard that but it makes a lot of sense. There is nothing as devastating as seeing someone you care about lying in that casket. As much as we all know it is part of life, the shock is the still the same everytime.

I dont know if I will ever be able to accept that you are no longer just a phone call away. I will just try and see in the things we shared.

‘When one dies, the person dies but the relationship remains forever.’

Forever in my heart.

 

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All About Hay and Sunshine 

I learnt this saying back in primary school ‘make hay while the sun shines’.

Lately this saying has been cropping into mind a lot. This has to do with my dad. 

The man that taught me walk, to talk, to smile is no longer in my life.  I don’t know what I have to do for reality to hit me because it still feels unreal.

The reason behind the title: I believed I had all the time in the world to be with my dad. For that reason I did not maximize our time together. I believed one day he would walk me down the aisle and get to meet his grandchildren. 

That has all disappeared now. We told about the three As to moving on; accept, adjust and advance. Am still at acceptance, it’s hard to accept. 

I’ll have to finish this post another time seeing as my tears are uncontrollable but before I do I would like to tell anyone willing to listen, maximize on the time you have with your loved ones. Tell them how you feel about them. Go out and give them that hug that lets them know how you feel. 

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To New Experiences ✨

Hmm well I started going to the gym last week. It was a new feeling of tiredness.

I kept asking myself why Joanna? ‘Fine the big tummy is a no but still..’ 

It’s been a challenge everyday. This first week I mostly did it because we were going with my friend. 

Then came Monday and my friend couldn’t make it. I almost missed but thank God I didn’t. I worked hardest. I had sweat dripping all over and I never sweat. 

Since I did not have a ride, I walked from the gym through Uhuru Park to the stage. It was breathtaking. I finally saw the lake people ride the boats. Don’t get me wrong I was scared seeing as it was around 7 pm and in unfamiliar territory but once I got over it, I truly enjoyed that walk. It made me even think of writing again. 

So am now getting the hang of the gym. Let’s hope I stick to it. I’ll share the results once the tummy goes. 😊

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… It’s still painful 

  Loss is a great pain and many people are never the same especially after losing someone you love. 

As I write this I am at a point of tears since just by thinking about you makes me have to confront the truth that you are no longer alive. I have been procrastinating this for so long but I can’t anymore.  

We grew up together and for the most part you were my big brother. You took care of me. I remember whenever you dropped me after nursery school you always carried me on your neck n you did the same for my brother as well and for your baby girl as well. My thoughts and words may not make sense to many because at the moment they is no train of thought am following. 

Chuma you will always have a special place in my heart. You had such high expectations for me and I hope to live up to them. There is no longer a person that calls me ‘Eve’ anymore. 

I remember the talks we used to have about everything and anything. As much as people kept pointing on your faults, you were good to me and that’s how I want to remember you. 

I still don’t believe you are gone and maybe one day I will have the strength to finish this tribute.

Love you to the moon and back. 

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Taking Stock

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As much as I had decided to be doing this monthly, my laziness got the bst of me 😦

oh well here goes…

Making: Sure that I start doing this religiously seeing as this is a good way to audit myself.

Cooking: Hmm I am discovering new recipes I just havent found the time to practise.

Drinking: Less water than I should be .

Reading: Just finished reading ‘Its not how good you are, its how good you want to be’.

Wanting: For this heat to end.

Playing: Candy crush as always 🙂 level 345

Wasting: too much time on this game.

Sewing: Um I did sew a loose a button.

Wishing: For more time to do all the stuff am planning for this year.

Enjoying: Spending time with our youngest cousin. She is just precious till she screams her heart out 🙂

Waiting: For those dreaded exam results. Talk of butterflies.

Liking: My new hair colour.

Wondering: Am I the only one feeling this heat??

Loving: My new heels that I got at Levi’s store.

Hoping: To build up on my shoe collection.

Marveling: At God’s infinite love everyday.

Needing: Some ice cream right about now.

Smelling: That bubble gum flavoured ice cream (I seriously need to me some).

Wearing: More skirts and dresses.

Following: People on instagram (I finally got with it).

Noticing: I am getting thick.

Knowing: In life you are the only one responsible for your happiness 🙂

Thinking: I need to write more often.

Feeling: Meh

Bookmarking: Self improvement pages.

Opening: more motivational books

Giggling: to the faces Jamila makes

Feeling: like I can conquer the world – it all starts with a  positive attitude 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

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21st century’s problems

“I can’t believe these feelings are back. I thought I was done with them.”
Those were the sentiments that were going through her mind. For some time now she was contemplating a lot of old feelings. Feelings of self loathing, lack of self worth. “I thought I dealt with all these,” she kept on pondering.
This is a story of a lady who learnt the hard way that life is not a bed of roses at a tender age. She grew up in a household where the parents fought almost every day not knowing it was affecting her. It made her lose her confidence and most importantly swear off men.
Come years later and she is all grown up. A beautiful young girl who turned heads when she walked. She suppressed all those old feelings and to everyone’s eyes she was perfect.
As much as she had sworn off men her age and hormones spoke a different language. She met the first man that lavished her with all the right words that she missed out while growing up. Without much thought she let him inside that barrier that she had built around herself only for the man to disappoint her.
That has been her life disappointment after disappointment. Is it that she gives in too easily? Is she looking for something in the wrong people? Too too many questions.

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Embracing 2015

So another year has just started. This is usually the time of the month when everyone is busy making resolutions and plans which they never implement.
I am also guilty of this. I have been going through my lists over the years and I can’t help but laugh at myself. I laugh because it shocks me since I don’t even remember making some of them.
This year I have decided to do things different. This is because I have found out that it is better to do something than to plan to do it. Don’t get me wrong I love planning things but now I want to be more of an implementer than just a planner. This has been brought about by the fact that we can be good planners but we never go beyond that.
I want to come up with workable targets and then review them frequently rather than having a review at the end of the year.
I hope this works because I believe that this is the year to start doing all that I was meant to do 😊
Now I just need the help of the Most High Father n a lot of discipline.

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The nightmare called ‘BodaBoda”

I have always loved motorcycles at one point I had even imagined myself owning one. They are fast, beautiful and there is just something hot about them. I would imagine myself getting out of one with my leather jacket and my braids falling off when I remove the helmet (since I don’t have such long hair).

This was until these ‘bodabodas’ flocked into town. The drivers are reckless, they drive on the wrong side, they don’t pay attention to the street lights. I find myself cursing them every time I encounter them. They need to decide whether they will follow pedestrians rules or vehicles.

I hate how when crossing the road and the cars have stopped since we have the right of way then in the middle of crossing there comes a ‘bodaboda’ hooting at you. i feel like yelling, “its my turn to cross!” I mean, I waited for my chance to cross so why are you hooting at me?

They also have a tendency to pass through the wrong side of the street. So there you are knowing that the oncoming traffic is from the left or the right then you are blindsided by a ‘bodaboda’ coming from a different direction.

I believe something need to be done to control these menace. Its a danger to all road users from the riders and their clients to the pedestrians and the vehicle drivers as well. I watched a story on the news of the ‘bodaboda’ riders in Rwanda. These guys follow the traffic lights and they have helmets for their clients. I think we should borrow a leaf from our neighbours.

In the meantime, I hope they will not ruin my dream of one day riding my bike 🙂

Picture credit: http://www.coastweek.com/3637_motorbikes.JPG

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Can’t Stand Me – Cant understand it

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/cant-stand-me/

So today I found this post from Daily Prompt: What do you find more unbearable: watching a video of yourself, or listening to a recording of your voice? Why?

I found it to be quite interesting especially for this shy girl. I am cringing with the idea of watching myself on a video. Don’t get me wrong even the recording of my voice is not something I would jump to but it beats having to watch and listen to myself.

I find myself making voice notes for someone but the funny thing is I never listen to them because if I do I would never send them. He claims to love my voice so am sure the voice is good. I guess I just need to learn to be more bold. On that note watch this space I might just post a video 🙂 

 

 

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